i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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