Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You may now shotgun with the bride
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
