So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
