She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
