I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
