oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
