I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
