I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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