Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
