You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
