BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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