Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
