I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
