Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
