Tell her she can't have a vagina
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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