I am puke
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
