she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
