Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
