12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its not stalking. its research.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
