Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
