I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
