Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
