I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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