I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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