just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
