Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
