Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
