I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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