she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
