Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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