she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
