I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Barsexuality is the new black.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
