Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
