Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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