take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
