he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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