thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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