I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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