Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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