remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
