I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
