i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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