Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
