Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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