If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
