dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
