I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
