At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
