You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
