She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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