Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
