tonight lets celebrate not being married
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
