I need help removing her.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
