You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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