i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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