Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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