Your mouth is God's brothel.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
