My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
