i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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