I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
